Things are Looking Bleak...

Apparently winter has not quite released it's grip on us yet - horror of horrors, The Times predicts a low of -14 on Saturday, just in time for Husband to go out to watch the Six Nations and get hypothermia into the bargain -  joy!


Alas, Noodles has failed to get her Christmas jumper so far, and it looks like now might be the ideal time to purchase said article. Just as a treat witness the wonder of the patterned knit...


In yet another demonstration of the Pit racing headlong into the 21st Century, we bought an iPad last weekend.  Sadly, I failed to realise the import of this development and the first thing I downloaded was a copy of the Domesday Book. I may have missed the point....


However, using the iPad makes me feel all Star-Treky!! Bleeep bloop swish.....

Canapes, Speeches and Guests Oh My...

Thank the maker that's all over. Can there be anything more dull than going to a works party solely occupied by old men in grey suits all talking about building. Anyone, anyone, Bueller? No - I thought not. I am very glad Mankini was there to pass the time away and share complaints about our throbbing hooves.

Well, it's all over now for another 40 years. I doubt very much I'll still be here at the ripe old age of 78 (I mean at work , not "here" in an existential sense - I'll live forever).

This had better be full of sour cream...

On an hotter note, I can report back on the Diabolical Eruption from Etna Chilli Sauce. It is hot. Damn HOT! the tiniest spoonful (a Nigella Lawson pinch spoon") was enough to transform a vat of chilli makings into something akin to the disaster that wiped out Pompeii, except without leaving spooky hollow people behind. Having said that I think me and Husband felt a little hollow-like the next day.

However, this means that the hunt for the ultimate chilli sauce has so far come good after years of search and struggle. Now I know how Indiana Jones felt....

Vomited from Devil Himself...

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

In my quest to find a chilli sauce worthy of the name (give me none of your 5% chilli nonsense - I demand something that fries your nose hair before you even open the jar) I undertook to make some of my own. I consequently spent most of Saturday spluttering like a Occupy St Paul's protester after the riot rozzers got a little too handy with the pepper spray.

On the plus side, it smells bloody lovely, and Noodles and I agreed it tasted nice...in a sort of "would it be possible to dispense it by the atom?" sort of way. I shall experiment with scrambled eggs and come back to you.

Rumours about the demise of Sherlock Holmes continue unabated. Was he pushed? Did he jump? Was it Moriarty wearing a Sherlock mask?  The real mystery is why dear old Auntie Beeb only doles the episodes in little teeny lumps of three??? Now that is diabolical.

Mmmmmm. kilty

Finally, as Noodles birthday draws near - a selection of loveliness for her. Enjoy chum!

Mmmm. iron-manny

Mmmm. Brainy.

Memories...

Hiding somewhere in my mind....

A mental block of epic proportions ensued today. Password to computer made like a tree and got out of here.

Jolly good, pip pip what what

danielcraig...no
sherlockholmes...no
johnwatson...no
professorbriancox...no
jamesbond...no
skyfall...no
spitfire...no
hurricane...no
(panic sets in)
conandoyle...no
sherlockholmes...STILL NO????

It occurred to me as I frantically riffled through my noggin (less of a mind palace and more of a mind-slightly knackered and rusty old rolodex smelling of stale coffee and fags) that most of my preferred passwords are fictional heroes or WW2 RAF planes. Am I secretly a male1940's Oxford Bag wearing  student? (adjusts monocle, applies bicycle clips and motors off to the country). Cheerio for now old beans!

Everything is Connected...

"My name should be Brain Cox..
that sounds so dodgy...

As the VERY wise man Professor Brian Cox once said.


Having sat through his lecture on quantum physics and learnt that every physical change made to a single electron in the whole universe has an immediate effect on all other electrons regardless of their position relative to the original, I suddenly realised that I KNOW NOTHING!!! (or, in the spirit of stupidity, should I say nothink?)


I mean, I probably know more than some, but less than others and considerably less that Brian.  Me and Husband sat looking at the telly like cro-magnon man looking at fire, slack-jawed and drooling, and afraid of the sky-gods.


Maybe that's why I have a bad back - my body is trying to revert to it's natural, unevolved, hunched state. I shall emerge from the Pit ; the rough beast slouching it's way towards, well, work (apologies to Yeats)


Never mind, more pickling to do this weekend and a batch of particularly demonic Scotch Bonnet chillis to turn into sauce - you have been warned Mr Noodles. Also, Mrs Noodles - here's a picture of the lovely  Prof for you!

Bond's Back.....

And how.....


What with Sherlock being the greatest human being since..well, sliced bread seems somewhat redundant, and Dr House getting better and better with each (rapidly dwindling) episode, the following photo released from the oh so far away Skyfall certainly perked up an otherwise drab week.

I mean, MY GOD!!! As far as I am concerned he may as well be missing from the trunks down. No, wait, that doesn't sound quite right. In any case, the film cannot come soon enough.


NB/ in honour of the impending birthday celebration of Lady Noodles, this delicious titbit will be only the first in  a series of candy for the eyeballs presented to her as a gift from me! Enjoy. It's like a sexy advent calendar!

Who you gonna call....

when a ghost from your past looms up?


As you get older, the more people drop by the wayside and the fewer new people you pick up. After a while you learn to get used to it, but once in a while someone drops you so quickly you practically meet yourself on the bounce.


As much as you wrack your brains and try to remember the tiny slight, real or imagined, that lead to the sudden breakdown in friendly communications, you can never recreate the set of circumstances. Time goes by and in a while the absence of the friend gets gradually filled by all the new chums you make (in my case the new chums are the best chums ever - here's to you Noodles!).

Ghost or inflated condom with arms?

BUT...what to do when, in a rushed lunch-hour, with your arms full of groceries, you are suddenly confronted by said absentee after 5 years or so, acting as though nothing ever happened!


Thankfully, I am quite a reasonable person (haha) and have the wherewithal to realise that I did nothing to deserve the polar winter I had foisted on me, and in actual fact I'm quite relieved to have avoided the inevitable crises and horrors which would have ensued over that time.


Moral of the story - ghosts are only scary if you believe in them. So there.

Elementary....

Sherlock - possibly being awesome.

In a world where stupidity is not so much embraced as encouraged, where a little learning is seen as a dangerous (not to say pointless) exercise and where celebrity is placed next to godliness as aspiration, may I take a moment to play a fanfare, hang out the bunting and bake a great big cake of hugs for Sherlock.

I would dearly like to visit his Mind Palace and hang out among all his huge, deep, incisive thoughts - he is a hero for the intellectually dispossessed of this age of banality.

We need Sherlock now more that ever before to stir us from our mind-numbing slumber and stir up all our grey cells - Spring is just around the corner, and we need to WAKE UP!!!!

For those of you (Noodles) who know how very hard it is for me to approach anything like awake before lunch, I'm sure you will appreciate how much I personally need Sherlock. With his coat and his hair and his weird eyes and his gigantic, super-massive brain!!!

The Human Woodlouse

That is basically what I have become over the last two weeks. A life burrowed beneath the bedclothes, swathed in brushed for warmth and comfort jimmyjams, only emerging for another episode of House - aaah, that is the good shit.

However, Thursday came and I was rudely winkled out of my shell to rejoin the highly over-rated human race to face gales, rain, work and the news that apparently we start to lose our cognitive functions at the age of 45!! What the hell happened to four score years and ten? I make that two score years and five! I feel cheated.

Does this mean I should be reading twice as much because I will lose half twice as soon as I thought I would? (faints due to dramatic downshift in brain power.....plop)

Does this mean the following equation works? Have I solved the process of reverse evolution?

   + 20 years =