Spring has sprung...

An improvement in the weather, a new month, lambsies, birdies, bees and inappropriately dressed students strolling around in shorty shorts with stupid little slip on shoes. I am realising recently that I sound increasingly like my gran...

You must have decent sole on your shoes or the cold gets into your feet....

Make sure your jacket covers your bottom....

Wrong Spring...oooh, bouncy!

Drafts approach from the rear.....

Eat up, children in Africa would be happy for that (oh, OK, I'll pack up my bacon rind and undercooked, wobbly snotty egg white and ship it off to Kenya shall I? I'm bound to get a thank you card in no time).

What will I say to my daughter (imaginary though she may be)?

Never eat anything bigger than your head (a rule I plan to try very hard to break in America)

Keep a diary - when you're older, and have real problems, it never hurts to look back and see how those towering mountains of grief and embarrassment were nothing more than molehills (providing you don't put them on Facebook)

Look after your teeth because no-one likes a slurper.

Be friendly with as many people as possible. Be FRIENDS with as few as you can.

Thus endeth the lesson......