Merry Christmas....

Wait - wrong Tiny Tim..shudder..

Another working year over and done with. Time for a shout out to all my peeps (word).


All the love in the world to my wonderful husband - here's to another great year.
Hugs and kisses to my brother, sister-in-law, nieces and nephew - I love you all
Blessings and health to the Noodles - all love to you three.
To my chums next door - big year next year! I hope it's the best yet.
To all our friends all over the world, in Japan, America and Africa - may 2012 be a peaceful and happy year.
To all the family in Wales and England - here's to 2012 being another great year. To those of you I get one well with - more power to your elbow. To those, hmm, not so much - toleration is next to godliness.


And on that note as the evening draws in and I only have an hour of work to go, channelling Tiny Tim - God Bless Us, Everyone!

On the Third Day of Christmas My Boss Gave me a Pile of Typing...

Everything you need to know about the last week of work before Christmas is the never-ending desire for it TO BE OVER ALREADY!!!!!


I am so not in the mood for work. I am in the mood for the following:-


Time with The Husband
Back to back box sets of House
Cracking walnuts and drinking Baileys
Listening the lovely classical music and Carols from Kings
Proper snow


And what do I get? Piles of electrical drawings to copy, piles of Christmas cards to send out, acres of meeting minutes to type, a meeting schedule for 2012 to put-together (whilst attempting to wrangle obstinate and grumpy contracts managers). Bleurgh.

What Year is This Again?

Having watched a double bill of Michael Wood's History of England , and felt significantly closer to Tudor peasants than modern man, I fear I may be losing it.


I have found out however that my horror of reality TV and celebrity is actually an evolutionary coping mechanism! A study has shown that watching what scientists call "non-educational factual drama/ documentaries" and what I prefer to refer to as "drivelling piles of cow-flop subtly married with the death of civilisation" can actually decrease your IQ in measurable amounts! Imagine the howling vacuum running between the ears of the cast of The Only Way is Essex......can this awesome power be harnessed? Never mind finding the Higgs Bosun - come on science, exploit the bellowing masses to provide power for great projects and experiments!! The light channel naysayers demand it of you!

F5 Dude, The Finger of God....

Me in the autumn of my life....

Or at least that's probably how poor old Scotland felt yesterday - 165mph winds??? What crazy mojo is this; needless to say it was a bit breezy here as well, but accompanied by little danger of being blown out to sea.


Christmas continues to loom scarily. A suicidal dash into town at lunchtime got two people sorted at least, thank god.


What do you get the man who has everything? I honestly believe he would be happy with a slab of particularly stinky Camembert, a few oatcakes and Lawrence of Arabia on the box. Alas, all of these things reside in The Pit all the time.....maybe I should take them away for a couple of weeks and then give them back to him?


Sudden disaster in the clothing department this morning. I managed to break the zip on my skirt and had to waddle home in the wind and drizzle clutching my tatters to prevent sudden de-baggage! Lovely image. Maybe this is the start of the long slide into wearing slippers to the shops, going out in curlers and not caring and smelling slightly of cat.....

Huh?

In the absence of any actual news, I give you - THINGS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND...

1. Rihanna. I'm sorry, I just don't get it.
2. X Factor, Pop Idol, So Think You Can Dance and so on and on and on. Also known as "Harbingers of the End of Days".
3. Jordan/ Katie Price/ Eyelash Besmeared Princess of Meh - why?
4. Celebrity as a serious career choice. In the old days there were stars. Now there are black holes.
5. Jeggings. I fear for humanity.
6. Twilight. Not the pleasant, soothing time of day, but the tweeny obsession. Hey, I know, lets make necrophilia, mental illness, cannibalism and Robert Pattinson popular. Thanks Hollywood, no really, you shouldn't have.
7. George Lucas and The Incredible Meddle. Leave it alone you bearded freak. And on this note..
8. Jar Jar Binks. No, I cannot leave it alone, and no, I will never forget. 

I have no doubt that the list of things beyond me will grow as I get older (and more enfeebled in the noggin), of course, I shall keep the world posted. Somehow modernity makes me feel like poor old Batman.....

There's Something About Hairy

Question: How long does it take two men to fit a door?
Answer: Forever (or at least 8 hours)

Air conditioning cranked up to "surface of the sun", middle aged men sitting round shivering and complaining like a bunch of whiny little girls, and no end in sight. I can't physically drink any more water to replace the amount I am losing - IT'S THE LAST DAY OF NOVEMBER FOR GODS SAKE!!!

Or should I say Movember. My word, there is some magnificent facial fuzz around at this time of year. I don't know, there's something about a moustache - less Mr Twit and more dashing WW2 RAF pilot. I refer you to exhibits 1, 2 and 3.

EXHIBIT ONE - THE BOND

EXHIBIT TWO - THE SWOON MCGREGOR

EXHIBIT 3 - DOCTOR, I FEEL FAINT

Christmas is a-coming...

And list-phobia in increasing.

mmm - nicer than 50p and a satsuma

It would help if it didn't feel like scrum in the shops. Better than Black Friday in America; pepper spray and shots fired. Now that's the way to get a bargain.

My lovely nephew has a burgeoning obsession with James Bond (as a character, unlike his Auntie...). I am on the hunt for spy accessories, which would be easy to come by next year, but not yet - curses.

Husband is another kettle of fish (or box of cheese) - I have no idea what to get him. The latest gift of Harry Potter Years 5-7 for the Wii has largely rendered conversation obsolete in the house, this now mainly consists of "oooh, a bluey!" or "no, to the right, no, THE RIGHT..YOUR RIGHT".

As for me, all I want is a pair of loppers, not exactly exciting, but I actually have everything I want, which is the most unhelpful thing you can say at this time of year. Alas, Rachel Weisz beat me to the ultimate stocking filler, but you can't have it all (I'll call this interlude a Noodle Graze Box!)

May the Furs be With You

Some people just have bottomless reserves of patience - how else can you explain these little toothpick size lovelies?

So very sweet!

It's not Lupus...

Free food. Free food. 

Are there nicer words in the English language? Maybe "Doctor House will see you now"....or "You will be accompanying Mr Bond to Venice"....or "Of course, the British Library will pay you to read books all day". 

I don't think I want a lot out of life; at the moment I would settle for some extra days in the week to finally mount an assault on the Christmas shopping. The weather just isn't cold enough yet - lucky Scotland has a (I quote) "monster storm" heading it's way - thank you for the hyperbole BBC.

I can't even get in the mood to cook stews and what-not. Salad tonight in front of another dose of Nordic gloom, or possibly House (I love him, he's so delightfully grumpy).

The company Christmas party is rearing it's ugly head again; Home Husband sensibly declined so Work Husband is the lamb to the slaughter. Picture this; rubbish food, rubbish men dancing rubbishly, and rubbish speechs - gak. Booze may be the only answer....that or the slow slide into mania. Cackle.Gibber.

Am I Dreaming?

Just got the best news! I have been taken on as a freelance restaurant reviewer - combining my greatest loves; words. food, and eating dinner with Husband! Life is sweet!

I shall be channelling Giles Coren, Anthony Bourdain, AA Gill and possibly Homer Simpson, however will also have to simultaneously  be nice and kind about all the establishments; it's nice to be nice.

Best of all - FREE FOOD!!!

That sound you hear? it's me being knocked over with a feather....flooomph.

Something in the air...

Someone remind me to avoid the temptation to make like a WW2 housewife - not everything should be recycled, foodwise that is. Bubble and squeak is a big no-no, as the youngest Noodle knew - you should always listen to vegetarians; they know things the rest of us are not privy to.

Chicken Dhansak on the menu tonight, providing I get organised enough and don't collapse with my latest book and the cat; reading "Kraken" by China Mieville. I stupidly thought China was a lady...quite obviously wrong on every level there is...

Kraken seems to be a bit of a Chuthlu rip off (there's a theme developing here. All I've bought recently seems to be lite versions of other books, not literary classics mind you). I wonder if there is an understandable version of Ulysses? Even Stephen Fry blathering about how wonderful the language is failed to make me want to start reading it again for the 10th time. Shallow or sane? You decide.....

Out of Africa...

A letter arrived on Friday night from one of my dearest friends from University! Some 20 years after we first met, we are still in touch (albeit rather occasionally), but in this instance he has the perfect excuse - he is living in Kenya with his wife doing good deeds.

He always struck me as one of those people who would do something - I suppose to a certain extent most of my friends have done something; he is in Africa, after having lived in America for a while, another is in Japan teaching English (or at least she was last time I saw her), another emigrated to America with his wife and is very happy in South Carolina. Is travel the unifying theme of something? Maybe because I never left?

As we get older we need fewer people to make us feel complete at any rate; I have my Mr B, Cat, Noodles, Daveywavey and Linus all around me when I need them, and I would not have it any other way! The other folk who have spread out all over the world, well, useful to have places to stay in exotic climes!

On another note, the family Noodles came over for lunch on Sunday - steak, ale and stilton pie for the meatasauri and veg & cheese pie for the youngest Noodle, followed by a Glee triple bill. Leftovers shared this lunchtime and smugness ensues...

Damn You Grapefruit - Damn you to Hell!!

Will I die and/ or have horrible diseases because I, literally, cannot stomach fruit? Sat at work all day with grumble, mumble, bang bang going on inside - gack....


On the plus side, had a lovely sausage casserole last night in an attempt to get rid of some of the Waitrose sausages Husband buys compulsively during each shopping trip. I commented that we could probably make a log cabin out of them.


For anyone who loves words and their meanings, and would like to know why Welsh people are obsessed with cheese (as well as sausages apparently) I strongly suggest you check out this blog - http://blog.inkyfool.com. Inky Fool has a brain like an overstuffed filing cabinet - marvellous.

Happy Monday!

Or not. It is flipping freezing and damp outside and the last thing I wanted to do this morning was leave the Pit. How is it that Sunday night sleep always feels so much better than any other day? I was wrapped up like a sausage roll this morning, and getting up (even with the promise of the finest cup of tea in all of Canterbury) was like the raising of Lazarus. My own fault I suppose, I'm reading SJ Parris' "Prophesy" and, even though  is a shameless rip-off of C J Sansom's Shardlake series, it is a fine read. I have also discovered that Giordarno Bruno was a real person which puts a whole new spin on things!

I have realised that I'm not sure if I actually want anyone to read this as they might comment on it - yikes! I'm not too good at dealing with criticism and anonymous abuse might be too much for me. I'm close to retiring to my bed for the next 6 months like a Blue Peter tortoise as it is. If I don;t write for a while, check in your bonfires and shed, be sure not to disturb any piles of logs and whatnot....

David Lynch - Y U No Explain Things?

After weeks slogging my way through a box set of Twin Peaks I have finally reached the end. Funny how, years after watching something in your formative years, you tend to forget the mind-melting annoyance of a non-end ending - "How's Annie" my buttocks. The film didn't help either - I just recall David Bowie wandering around not acting.

So now I have a box-set taking up space, but I can't think of anyone to lend it to, well, no-one I actually like anyway. "Oh, would you like to invest yourself in watching 26 hours of drama only to find out absolutely nothing at the end of it?". Pffft.

Well, it's a start...

And at this rate, that's all it will be. How very dare people expect me to do typing and emailing when I have so many better things to do, like share my inane ramblings with the world. 


"Doing typing"...hmmm, that sounds wrong - always a good sign for someone who spends 8 hours a day doing typing.


Home soon, so all will be well. Best chum coming over for our usual dose of Thursday night Nordic gloom. It's series 2 of Wallander tonight - how cheery!  A few drinks and a husband playing poker and swearing at the laptop makes the evening go with a bang.


Sadly, I have just realised how much I sound like Bertie Wooster. Is this a bad thing? He did turn into House after all, so the chances are I will never mistakenly suffer from Lupus, but I may develop an addiction to painkillers - it's all swings and roundabouts. Maybe I'll get to be friends with Stephen Fry?