There's Something in The Attic!

And it's me!

Finally moved into my new/ old office in the pigeon coop. It's OK, smaller and very much hotter, but also a lot quieter, so all in all it'll do (like I have a choice).

However, having listened to my new hero Bradley Wiggins banging on about how to be the best and how to avoid naysayers (his description was considerably more fruity), I will make the best of it and thank God every single day that my idea of fulfilling fun is not sitting on a razor blade/ saddle  for weeks on end and then finishing the horror off by forcing myself to cycle over cobbles down the Champs Elysees.

Sport or torture. I suggest Sporture.

I'd Like to Move it...MOVE IT!!!

I really would. Having been surrounded by boxes of shite for weeks now, I would dearly love to actually get shot of this place and move into my new/ old office. I feel like I am in an episode of Hoarders; Buried Alive. Sample conversation:-

QUESTION = "Do you need this piece of paper that has been sitting at the bottom of this box for, well, let's see, oh, for longer than I have been alive, and it is covered in spider webs, silverfish and mouse nibbles?"

ANSWER =  "Yes"

RESPONSE "Aaaarrrggghhhh - you infuriating ape creature - why won't you just die????"

Tidy Desk..Tidy Mind.

A bit extreme, but the tether's end has been reached. And this Friday I have to attempt to weasel my Boss out of his office of 15 years (the equivalent of the hoarders "special closet" which is usually full of newspaper and squashed cat carcasses). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated; I'm thinking of some cheese on the fishing line dragged along the floor.

Doom and Gloom

Well. the weather is damp, the summer is practically officially over and no-one has seen the sun for weeks (which makes the perpetual British obsession with atmospherics just too easy to indulge). And to cap it all off, a dour but hardworking Scottish lad got bitch-slapped all over Wimbledon by a man from Switzerland who never sweats.

Arrgh - what the hell is that???

The Olympics seem to be only thing to look forward to, weather dependent of course. I have images of the equestrian centre being used for water polo, the volleyball courts doubling up as the canoe slalom, and Tom Daley being called up for search and rescue at the Olympic Stadium.

Aaaah - normal service has been resumed

Which is worse though? Blighty with it's predictable unpredictability, or Qatar (host of the next World Cup) which can be relied upon to cook spectators, players and officials alike in 40 degree heat. Personally I know which one I would prefer, but that is only because I am basically more firelighter than human.

When Technophobia Meets Tesla-Like Genius

In the past I have been accused of being old fashioned, stick-in-the-mud, some might even say anachronistic (although obviously no-one I work with, the word being a few too many syllables long).

However I try to work around what the youth of today are doing, if only to enable me to point and cackle "soon, my pretties, soon, your texting finger will be gnarled, your eyes too dim to play Angry Birds, and your ears too sensitive to cope with amusing ringtones...ahhh haaa haaaa haaa! (disappears in a puff of schaudenfreud).

But wait! What is the beautiful thing I found on the jolly old interweb? A thing of wonder, possibly driven by steam, which would not look out of place on the Time Machine...if all technology was made of brass and wood, I think the world would be a brighter place.

One Should Face up to the Dangers of Pedanty

Because as you can see, no one likes a show off.

And thus proving the point....

Cat vs Human

In the interests of keeping everyone cheerful after a bank holiday weekend of rain, rain and more rain, please see the following website on Tumblr - for anyone with a cat, the attitude is very familiar:
http://textingcat.tumblr.com/page/2

Who hasn't looked at the cat in their life and known, absolutely KNOWN, that they might love us, but fundamentally they pity us and only put up with us because waiting for the rustle of a Whiskas pouch is a lot easier than cheesing it after a mouse.